The "Hat Trick"

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, it’s just been a crazy few weeks. Spent a couple weeks in the state of Tennessee bailing out the professionally inept from their own idiocy. Needless to say that was a great time that I never wish upon anyone. Tennessee was an ‘interesting’ place but I’m guessing I’ll never have to go back and well…let’s just say I’m not totally upset about that. Anyways, I just wanted to throw up a quick post to discuss another Perp misstep in the world of business travel…destroying a rental car gas tank just wasn’t enough.

So, a couple weeks ago (yes, I know I’m behind but I’ve had a crappy couple of weeks. If you can’t deal with it find another blog to read – I’m still a little bitter about the busy schedule if you can’t tell) The Perp just had a horrible week. There are so many things I could discuss, but I’ll stick to the travel mess. Please review the following chain of events…

Thursday:

• You know this story – The Perp mutilates a rental car gas tank. In fact, it was so great it deserved a post of its own. If you need a refresher please review the last post “The Big E-mpty Tank”.

Friday, approximately 9:00am:

• Bystander: hey, what time is your flight today?
• Perp: good question, let me take a look
• Bystander: sounds good, I’m getting out of here on the 2:30pm flight
• Perp: Mother F*©KE® Son of a B*t©H
• Bystander: you ok over there man? Sounds like you’ve got a problem!
• Perp: you’re not going to guess what I did
• Bystander: $20 says I can!
• Bystander: your flight was last night and you totally didn’t show up huh? (I am laughing hysterically because I know I’m so right Ken Jennings (if you don’t know just look it up) is jealous)
• Perp: man, I can’t believe this. I tore up a gas tank last night and now I don’t have a flight today…wtf
• Bystander: (still laughing hysterically) how’d you muff that up?
• Perp: SH*T, I’ve got to get a flight arranged. What’s the number to the airline you hate (a.k.a. United)?
• Bystander: it’s ***-***-****. Good luck with that…let me know how much they want to charge Lumbergh (insert more laughter here)
• 5 minutes of actual work later…
• Perp: WTFFFFF…it’s going to cost $1,000 to get on today’s flight. I may have to do it.
• Bystander: Really, are you serious? It was nice knowing you because you’re totally going to be fired!
• Perp: I’ll just book on a low cost carrier
  Genius…wow…crisis averted!

Friday, approximately 10:30am:

• Perp: man, today has been awful
• Bystander: I’ve seen worse…no big deal man. You’re golden and will be home before I will.
• Perp: listen to what else happened to me today
• Bystander: (thinking quietly to myself – man this is going to be great): what’s that?
• Perp: so last night front desk girl didn’t come home with me
• Bystander: understood…saw her shut you down in person…she’s a tramp
• Perp: well this morning I decided to handle business myself.
• Bystander: (threw up a little bit but recovered) WTF man…no need to tell
• Perp: wait this is good, so I rented “banging backseat MILFs” and after round one I decided to stop it and pack. Well, normally when you stop it you can resume without…
• Bystander: wait, wait wait. What the F*©K, how often do you do this?!? Nevermind, I don’t want to know!
• Perp: Only on occasion. Anyways, normally when you stop you can resume later for free. Well when I went back to it and clicked play it said ‘purchasing’. So I’m pretty sure I’m getting charged twice.
• Bystander: Well did you call and talk to the front desk about the second charge? Don’t you have an ‘in’ at the front desk? Or aren’t you ‘in’ at the front desk…something like that?!?
• Perp: Nah, I was a little too embarrassed and figured I’d just leave it as is
• Bystander: yea, that should tell you something. Maybe you shouldn’t be watching porn on Friday mornings before coming to work.
• Perp: ehh, round two was awesome
• Bystander: Dude, WTF.
• Perp: ok, time for me to get ready for my new flight.

So to recap The Hat Trick. The Perp destroyed a rental car gas tank, missed his Thursday night flight in an attempt to nail the hotel girl and was double charged for porn at the hotel.

Awesome…until next time folks.